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Straight Dope: Are you ready for some football?

A man takes 183 pills a day to cope with pain. These pills are legal and sanctioned by the man’s employer. If that same man is caught taking one hit of cannabis, he is apt to be suspended from his job. That man was Keith McCants, and his employer was the NFL.

I don’t need to rant about how wrong that is. You know what’s going on. And, so does the NFL.

And, halle-f*cking-lujah, the league has finally agreed to study cannabis as a method of pain management, while simultaneously studying prescription drug use amongst players.

In the meantime, if a player decides to grow a marijuana plant for his own medicinal purposes (even in a legal state), and the league finds out, he’s still looking at a suspension. Juxtapose the cost of that player growing his own plants with the cost of 183 pills, and just: YUCK! Big Pharma is Big Business. My brother is probably reading this, going, “No shit!”


I’ve been watching a lot of Netflix lately. (Holy shit, did he just go from the NFL’s drug policy to Netflix?) I noticed two Sherlock Holmes projects. I didn’t watch either of those. What I did watch is the stuff of stoner dreams, the stuff that is going to make you giggle, and forget how wrong things often seem.

Exhibit 1: “The Characters.” Episodes 1 and 3, winners. If you like SNL, you’ll love this.

“F is For Family.” Both seasons. An animated, coked-up spoof of “Wait Till Your Father Gets Home” from back in the ‘70s.

“Lunatics.” Meh. Quite honestly, it’s funny, but if you’re a Chris Lilley fan, and you’ve seen his shtick, it wears thin on the third similar project. Recommendation: Seek out Lilley’s “Summer Heights High” if you even remotely like “Lunatics.”

“Paradise PD,” another animated show. So politically incorrect, and so funny.

“Pacific Heat,” more animation, from Australia (or at least they speak in Aussie accents!), very rapid-fire funny.

For more high-brow comedy, check out “Huge in France.” He’s the “Seinfeld” of France, and sometimes the Ray Romano of France, depending on the mood of Seinfeld, himself, who appears in an episode.

When the NFL returns, I’ll probably watch less Netflix, and more men getting their bones crushed in every manner possible. I love this game! I wish I could be that guy on the sideline. You know, the Water Boy. But they wouldn’t call me that any longer. They’d call me Vape Boy. And I’d get to run on the field (back-off Sandler!) and administer the vape pipe whenever a player called for it. I can see the Hollywood moguls lining up to get the rights to that story! Talk about a hero!

Every Democratic presidential candidate wants to be that hero and legalize weed federally — obviously in the hopes it’ll give the young peeps a reason to Rock The Vote. Thusly, the medicinal becomes political — like pretty much everything else these days.

To the politicians, the NFL, the people of this country, all we are saying is: Give Weed a Chance. Allow people to control their own bodies, man. Can we stay in the 21st century, and not slip back to Reefer Madness days?

Rick Cipes has been published a lot and encourages you to check out his 420 T-Shirt Collection on Amazon at www.bit.ly/420tsc

Rick Cipes