It would be helpful if January didn’t come so soon after New Year’s Eve.
Many of us are still wandering around in a figurative fog following the stress and rush of the holiday season — and here we are plunged waist-deep into the muck of a 12-month marathon of mayhem.
We could take a walk, especially to help get rid of those pesky 10 holiday pounds, but that would leave us in a literal layer of fog that's looking over our valley on silent haunches before moving on. It's our aversion to this inversion that keeps us lingering on issues large and small when we could be taking a stroll in Lithia Park.
Ashland has been soliciting opinions for what to include in a new master plan for its crown jewel. My preference would be for the installation of a jamming device that would block cellphone signals and WiFi access.
People, you’re in one of the Rogue Valley’s most beautiful spots — eliminate the electronics, lift your heads and enjoy the surroundings.
Still, Ashland has enough problems coming to a consensus, from the Plaza redesign to the selection of public art to the proposal for an indoor pot farm in the old Plexis building … who am I to add to the city’s discordant discourse?
The marijuana dissent comes from those who, among other things, are worried that the prevailing odor will sully Ashland’s Railroad District.
Something smells funny about the past few weeks in weed, that’s for sure, when you consider that 70 people in Cartersville, Georgia, were arrested at a Christmas-themed lingerie party and charged with marijuana possession.
Some of those jailed had about 28 grams of pot on them — because, honestly, at a Christmas-themed lingerie party … where would you put any more than that?
Not to be outdone, Nebraska police arrested a California couple (ages 80 and 83) who had 60 pounds of pot in the car they were driving. The couple told police they were driving to Vermont for Christmas, and that the marijuana — estimated value $336,000 — was for Christmas presents.
(For the record, I received a pair of earmuffs.)
But just when the smoke was starting to clear, in rides U.S. Attorney General Jeff Sessions in an attempt to put a lid on legalizing marijuana. His timing couldn’t have been worse, as his rescinding of an Obama-era enforcement guideline came three days after California’s legalization laws went into effect.
With all due respect, doesn’t the attorney general realize the pain and suffering he’s going to cause us poor folks in Oregon? Many here are going to need a little something to calm their nerves if they find themselves in a county where they have to pump their own gas. Yeah, yeah, there’s millions of dollars and thousand of jobs at stake — but, finally, there’s a reason for hungry hordes of Californians to stay home ... and you want to take it away from us?
Heck, Jack-in-the-Box even had started test-marketing a “Merry Munchie Meal” — consisting of two tacos, French fries, onion rings, five mini churros, three chicken strips and a small drink — all for $4.20. (The price, of course, being a reference to Hitler’s birthday. Honest, have you ever seen Hitler and the guy with the ping-pong-ball head in the same place?)
As ironically humorous as it is to have a former senator FROM ALABAMA trample on the notion of states' rights, it's not as though the president now has absolute proof that "smoking even one marijuana cigarette is equal in brain damage to being on Bikini Island during an H-bomb blast" ... that was Ronald Reagan.
Doesn't Sessions' boss have more important things on his plate these days — from the cloud of the Mueller investigation to the firestorm with a book detailing the first year of Trumpotus Rex to investigating his son Eric's claim that Ellen DeGeneres is one of the primary movers and shakers of Deep State.
The only deep state most of us are in these days is a deep state of confusement. And that fog isn't lifting any time soon ... it's only January.
— Mail Tribune copy editor Robert Galvin (whose 10 holiday pounds is closer to 15) can be reached at firstname.lastname@example.org.